"Can we speak of God's power only after we've been healed or after we survive the struggle we find ourselves in? Why are testimonies of how awesome God is typically announced after the fact? Is there not testimony of His saving grace in the midst of my crumbling? Can I only proclaim His goodness in the absence of disease? doesn't He speak of who He IS in the agony of my brokenness? Is He less when I am less? NO. He is my ALL in ALL. I have to stand (even when I've lost my balance) on the solid rock of Jesus. He is my Sustainer and Redeemer in my weakness. He knows what it is like to be broken. He alone understands why I can't stand up. I know nothing, save His power. Maybe that is how I glorify Him: recognizing I need nothing else, not even my health.
So this is where I am today. It is not pretty. I have no mountaintop from which to report. This valley seems deep and very foggy. It can be a lonely place to hang out. But God is here. If He wasn't I could not breathe. I trust He is steering, but I cannot see. He will get me through. I trust. I believe. I wait. That's all." -- taken from Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Dillow
I kinda did a double-take when I read this quote, because it was only recently that Sarah and I were talking about how people are more than happy to tell their story after the crisis is past, after the adoption has been finalized, after the battle has been won, after the kids are grown, after the depression has lifted, after the healing has happened, after, after, after. See, we were discussing a certain situation I'm currently facing, and I mentioned how I keep looking for resources from other people who have walked this road, but am having little success. She said, "Maybe it's about time someone wrote their story while they are going through it." And she pointed out that memories fade with time, and details are forgotten, and the questions and agonizing and fears have subsided, and the passion isn't there. And people give silly pat answers because their story is already written, and they aren't facing the struggle anymore.
I'll admit she got me thinking. Hard. She got my attention.
So I'm writing my story. Because someday someone else might need to know my story. Might be asking those same questions, might be having those same fears. Whether or not I'll have the courage to share it someday is yet to be seen, I suppose. But I think I will.
I think I'll remember what a relief it was when someone shared their story with me. I think I'll remember how wonderful it was to realize I wasn't the only woman who had faced those issues. I think I'll remember how grateful I was when an uncle shared his view from the other side of the same equation. I think I'll remember enough to be willing to hand a friend my journal pages from this era, and let her see into my heart. I think I'll remember enough to let a guy (with questions about how a woman's brain thinks about certain scenarios) read my questions, and fears, and hopes.
And maybe, just maybe... the tears, and the hopes, and the passion, and the fears, and the dreams, and the longing, and the dread, and the terrror, and the love, and the prayers will come through. And maybe, just maybe... they'll realize they aren't alone. That someone is walking that road along with them.
Because right now, if someone needed to hear my story--partially written as it is--I would share it.
I want glorify Him IN my struggles, not just after they are over.
I want to worship Him IN the waiting, not just after the fulfillment has come.
I want to praise Him IN my questions, not just after they are answered.
So this is where I am today. It is not pretty. I have no mountaintop from which to report. This valley seems deep and very foggy. It can be a lonely place to hang out. But God is here. If He wasn't I could not breathe. I trust He is steering, but I cannot see. He will get me through. I trust. I believe. I wait. That's all." -- taken from Satisfy My Thirsty Soul by Dillow
I kinda did a double-take when I read this quote, because it was only recently that Sarah and I were talking about how people are more than happy to tell their story after the crisis is past, after the adoption has been finalized, after the battle has been won, after the kids are grown, after the depression has lifted, after the healing has happened, after, after, after. See, we were discussing a certain situation I'm currently facing, and I mentioned how I keep looking for resources from other people who have walked this road, but am having little success. She said, "Maybe it's about time someone wrote their story while they are going through it." And she pointed out that memories fade with time, and details are forgotten, and the questions and agonizing and fears have subsided, and the passion isn't there. And people give silly pat answers because their story is already written, and they aren't facing the struggle anymore.
I'll admit she got me thinking. Hard. She got my attention.
So I'm writing my story. Because someday someone else might need to know my story. Might be asking those same questions, might be having those same fears. Whether or not I'll have the courage to share it someday is yet to be seen, I suppose. But I think I will.
I think I'll remember what a relief it was when someone shared their story with me. I think I'll remember how wonderful it was to realize I wasn't the only woman who had faced those issues. I think I'll remember how grateful I was when an uncle shared his view from the other side of the same equation. I think I'll remember enough to be willing to hand a friend my journal pages from this era, and let her see into my heart. I think I'll remember enough to let a guy (with questions about how a woman's brain thinks about certain scenarios) read my questions, and fears, and hopes.
And maybe, just maybe... the tears, and the hopes, and the passion, and the fears, and the dreams, and the longing, and the dread, and the terrror, and the love, and the prayers will come through. And maybe, just maybe... they'll realize they aren't alone. That someone is walking that road along with them.
Because right now, if someone needed to hear my story--partially written as it is--I would share it.
I want glorify Him IN my struggles, not just after they are over.
I want to worship Him IN the waiting, not just after the fulfillment has come.
I want to praise Him IN my questions, not just after they are answered.
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