I love how God works.
You ever have something running in tight circles through your brain that you know isn't correct, and you don't even want to admit to yourself what you're thinking? And you'd never dream of talking to anyone else about it, because you know good and well they'd tell you how silly you're being? And you keep telling yourself that same thing, but somehow your brain still keeps twirling the same stupid thought in circles? Even though you know the conclusion is erroneous?
Okay, so... I was praying before service tonight, and Sis Bohde came over and sat next to me. I could tell it was her because--well, I just could. She prayed for me for a few minutes, then started speaking directly to me. Said God would give me the wisdom I needed, the wisdom I've been asking for. Told me to hold on to my principles. To not give up on the things I believe in. And that God would bless me for that. She said something to the effect that God knew every item on my list, and that I wouldn't have to give up things that were important to me in order to keep someone in my life.
And there we have the issue that my foolish brain has been spinning in circles. Were people right when they told me my ideals were too high? Were they right when they said I'm too picky? Were they right when they told me I needed to let go of some things in my own mind? If I want to have my own home someday, will it mean I have to give up on some things I believe in? Will it mean I have to change who I am to make someone else happy?
God is so good to send reminders to me. I should be beyond even thinking that way, but He's so patient with my foolishness, so gentle with my fears, and even takes the time to send me a very personal reminder that the right man won't walk away. I'm so tired of watching people walk away. I'm so tired of saying good-bye. I'm so tired of pretending I don't hurt when they do walk.
But after Sis Bohde was done talking, I had that indescribable peace flood me. And I remembered that post I wrote a few months back about how "you won't have to change your pace." She's right. And I was right when I wrote that. The right man won't walk. The right man won't try to change my mind on things that are important to me. The right man won't try to push my boundaries aside. And I won't have to give up my principles to keep him.
My heart is peaceful again tonight. I know God will give His wisdom--to everyone involved. I know God will give me the desires of my heart, because my heart is delighting in Him. And I know I can rest in His care.
And now I'm going to go read my list I wrote years ago, and see just what things God is arranging....
You ever have something running in tight circles through your brain that you know isn't correct, and you don't even want to admit to yourself what you're thinking? And you'd never dream of talking to anyone else about it, because you know good and well they'd tell you how silly you're being? And you keep telling yourself that same thing, but somehow your brain still keeps twirling the same stupid thought in circles? Even though you know the conclusion is erroneous?
Okay, so... I was praying before service tonight, and Sis Bohde came over and sat next to me. I could tell it was her because--well, I just could. She prayed for me for a few minutes, then started speaking directly to me. Said God would give me the wisdom I needed, the wisdom I've been asking for. Told me to hold on to my principles. To not give up on the things I believe in. And that God would bless me for that. She said something to the effect that God knew every item on my list, and that I wouldn't have to give up things that were important to me in order to keep someone in my life.
And there we have the issue that my foolish brain has been spinning in circles. Were people right when they told me my ideals were too high? Were they right when they said I'm too picky? Were they right when they told me I needed to let go of some things in my own mind? If I want to have my own home someday, will it mean I have to give up on some things I believe in? Will it mean I have to change who I am to make someone else happy?
God is so good to send reminders to me. I should be beyond even thinking that way, but He's so patient with my foolishness, so gentle with my fears, and even takes the time to send me a very personal reminder that the right man won't walk away. I'm so tired of watching people walk away. I'm so tired of saying good-bye. I'm so tired of pretending I don't hurt when they do walk.
But after Sis Bohde was done talking, I had that indescribable peace flood me. And I remembered that post I wrote a few months back about how "you won't have to change your pace." She's right. And I was right when I wrote that. The right man won't walk. The right man won't try to change my mind on things that are important to me. The right man won't try to push my boundaries aside. And I won't have to give up my principles to keep him.
My heart is peaceful again tonight. I know God will give His wisdom--to everyone involved. I know God will give me the desires of my heart, because my heart is delighting in Him. And I know I can rest in His care.
And now I'm going to go read my list I wrote years ago, and see just what things God is arranging....
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