I am not my disease.
I am not my learning disability.
I am not my dress size.
I am not my job.
I am not my family.
I am not the label I was given.
I am not my failure.
I am not my success.
I am not my messy house.
I am not my clean house.
I am not my illness.
I am not my pain.
I am not my hobbies.
I am not my ministries.
I may or may not have these things, but I am not them. What I AM is something entirely different.
What I AM is a complex person. A simple person. A person that craves peace, and affection, and joy, and music. A person that craves laughter, and friends, and being known for who I AM.
And I'm guessing that's pretty close to who YOU are, too. I'll try to remember that. I'll try to see the real YOU, instead of the labels, the disease, the ministry, the hobby, the family that you have. I'll try to see YOU. As you really are. And as you want to be in the future.
Right now the real me isn't even sure where this blog post came from. Except that I woke up feeling completely, totally, inadequate this morning. It's been brewing for some time. Quite some time. This morning it felt overwhelming.
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good wife. But a wife is not the sum of who I am
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good mom. But a mom is not the sum of who I am.
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good piano teacher. But a piano teacher is something I dare not even call myself - now.
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good Christian. Matter of fact, I'm quite certain I'm NOT capable of that. And that scares me like nothing else does.
And in the middle of all of that, I can't expect you to know who I am when I don't even know who I am anymore. I seem to have lost myself. Or at least pieces of me. And when I've tried to find those pieces, they seem to be gone for good.
I'm trying my very best to adjust to the new normal. But the new normal isn't the normal I want. Regardless, it IS. And so I keep trying to adjust. Adjust my expectations, adjust my schedule, adjust my thinking, adjust my skills, adjust ME.
The Me That Was, The Me That Is, and The Me I Want To Be are so totally different from each other that I despair of ever finding myself again. Who am I really? There are pieces in The Me That Was that I would have liked to keep. There are pieces of The Me That Is that I like, and also pieces that I want to get rid off as soon as possible. There are pieces that I want to add to me, so that The Me I Will Be is someone I can be satisfied with - even if not happy with.
I know I am not the things I have. I know I am not the things I do. I know I am not the positions I fill.
But what does that leave, and who am I really?
I am not my learning disability.
I am not my dress size.
I am not my job.
I am not my family.
I am not the label I was given.
I am not my failure.
I am not my success.
I am not my messy house.
I am not my clean house.
I am not my illness.
I am not my pain.
I am not my hobbies.
I am not my ministries.
I may or may not have these things, but I am not them. What I AM is something entirely different.
What I AM is a complex person. A simple person. A person that craves peace, and affection, and joy, and music. A person that craves laughter, and friends, and being known for who I AM.
And I'm guessing that's pretty close to who YOU are, too. I'll try to remember that. I'll try to see the real YOU, instead of the labels, the disease, the ministry, the hobby, the family that you have. I'll try to see YOU. As you really are. And as you want to be in the future.
Right now the real me isn't even sure where this blog post came from. Except that I woke up feeling completely, totally, inadequate this morning. It's been brewing for some time. Quite some time. This morning it felt overwhelming.
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good wife. But a wife is not the sum of who I am
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good mom. But a mom is not the sum of who I am.
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good piano teacher. But a piano teacher is something I dare not even call myself - now.
I'm not sure if I'm capable of being a good Christian. Matter of fact, I'm quite certain I'm NOT capable of that. And that scares me like nothing else does.
And in the middle of all of that, I can't expect you to know who I am when I don't even know who I am anymore. I seem to have lost myself. Or at least pieces of me. And when I've tried to find those pieces, they seem to be gone for good.
I'm trying my very best to adjust to the new normal. But the new normal isn't the normal I want. Regardless, it IS. And so I keep trying to adjust. Adjust my expectations, adjust my schedule, adjust my thinking, adjust my skills, adjust ME.
The Me That Was, The Me That Is, and The Me I Want To Be are so totally different from each other that I despair of ever finding myself again. Who am I really? There are pieces in The Me That Was that I would have liked to keep. There are pieces of The Me That Is that I like, and also pieces that I want to get rid off as soon as possible. There are pieces that I want to add to me, so that The Me I Will Be is someone I can be satisfied with - even if not happy with.
I know I am not the things I have. I know I am not the things I do. I know I am not the positions I fill.
But what does that leave, and who am I really?
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