Had a "ding" moment yesterday. I should have realized it long before this, but sometimes I'm kind of stupid about these things, I guess.
I've subconsciously been cutting music out of my life - in anticipation of being married and not having as much time for some things as I do now, I suppose. Looking back over the past few months, it seems obvious now... I haven't been playing CDs as often, haven't been practicing much at all, haven't been trying too hard in finding new songs to use for church. And then I wondered why I felt down and useless and... like something big was missing.
Yesterday a couple things happened that made me realize how silly I've been:
1) I suddenly realized how important it is to me to finish that last term of Music Theory II that I'm still missing from my sequence.
2) Buster started playing bass again in church. Which seems irrelevant, but it's not. He was so enthusiastic about joining the music team again, and so full of energy about learning some new songs, and working with the rest of us, that it rubbed off on me. And suddenly I discovered I WANTED to practice again, I WANTED to plan an Easter program, I WANTED to find some new songs for us to work on, I WANTED music back in my life.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that just because I got burned out on some aspects of my music for a little while does NOT mean I'm done with those things. It just meant I needed a break. And I've had that. And now I'm rarin' to go again!
It was as if all the passion for music ministry that I've had in years past suddenly hit full force again yesterday. And I realized that no matter how busy I may be in the months and years to come, that I will always, always want music to play a big part of my life. It's something God put inside me. It's some He gave me a passion for. It's something I love to do, and teach, and listen to, and most of all I realized that the biggest passion I have with music is using it for God's glory. I want my music to draw people into His presence, to teach them truth about Him and themselves, to touch them in ways that mere words cannot.
Last night I told Chris about my little revelation. Told him that no matter how busy life gets, I want music - no, NEED music - in my life in a huge way. Told him that although I love teaching it (and hope to continue with it at least for a while), that the teaching isn't as important as being involved in music ministry. And not just as a half-hearted hobby, either. I think God gave me this passion for it for a reason, and I think that I'm still supposed to be highly involved.
After looking back at the last few months and thinking about some of my choices, I think I was trying to test it out a bit. To see if music ministry was something that had been in my life for a season, but was perhaps taking a shift now. After seeing my reaction to things yesterday, and doing a lot of soul-searching, I think God isn't through with me in that regard. I don't think He's done using me with music in our church. I think I have this passion for reason.
And I think I'm finished with my self-imposed sabbatical, and I'm ready to dive back in again.
Chris's reaction to my explanation/ramble/thoughts were exactly what I've come to expect from him. He sounded horrified that I had even thought of giving it up, even for a little while, said it's one of the things he loves about me. And that while he realized life is taking a shift for me, he doesn't ever want me to give up pieces of myself for the sake of our relationship. He's right - people who try to reinvent themselves for the sake of a relationship cause disasters. And that's not what I was trying to do. I was trying to find my answer. And I did. And I'm once again very thankful that my husband-to-be is so supportive of my interests and passions and that he not only gives me the space to be myself, but encourages me to pursue the things that are important to me. And even when it's not a shared interest, it's important to him because it's important to me. Which is, of course, the way it should be.
I hope that I'm as supportive of his art as he is about my music.
I've subconsciously been cutting music out of my life - in anticipation of being married and not having as much time for some things as I do now, I suppose. Looking back over the past few months, it seems obvious now... I haven't been playing CDs as often, haven't been practicing much at all, haven't been trying too hard in finding new songs to use for church. And then I wondered why I felt down and useless and... like something big was missing.
Yesterday a couple things happened that made me realize how silly I've been:
1) I suddenly realized how important it is to me to finish that last term of Music Theory II that I'm still missing from my sequence.
2) Buster started playing bass again in church. Which seems irrelevant, but it's not. He was so enthusiastic about joining the music team again, and so full of energy about learning some new songs, and working with the rest of us, that it rubbed off on me. And suddenly I discovered I WANTED to practice again, I WANTED to plan an Easter program, I WANTED to find some new songs for us to work on, I WANTED music back in my life.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that just because I got burned out on some aspects of my music for a little while does NOT mean I'm done with those things. It just meant I needed a break. And I've had that. And now I'm rarin' to go again!
It was as if all the passion for music ministry that I've had in years past suddenly hit full force again yesterday. And I realized that no matter how busy I may be in the months and years to come, that I will always, always want music to play a big part of my life. It's something God put inside me. It's some He gave me a passion for. It's something I love to do, and teach, and listen to, and most of all I realized that the biggest passion I have with music is using it for God's glory. I want my music to draw people into His presence, to teach them truth about Him and themselves, to touch them in ways that mere words cannot.
Last night I told Chris about my little revelation. Told him that no matter how busy life gets, I want music - no, NEED music - in my life in a huge way. Told him that although I love teaching it (and hope to continue with it at least for a while), that the teaching isn't as important as being involved in music ministry. And not just as a half-hearted hobby, either. I think God gave me this passion for it for a reason, and I think that I'm still supposed to be highly involved.
After looking back at the last few months and thinking about some of my choices, I think I was trying to test it out a bit. To see if music ministry was something that had been in my life for a season, but was perhaps taking a shift now. After seeing my reaction to things yesterday, and doing a lot of soul-searching, I think God isn't through with me in that regard. I don't think He's done using me with music in our church. I think I have this passion for reason.
And I think I'm finished with my self-imposed sabbatical, and I'm ready to dive back in again.
Chris's reaction to my explanation/ramble/thoughts were exactly what I've come to expect from him. He sounded horrified that I had even thought of giving it up, even for a little while, said it's one of the things he loves about me. And that while he realized life is taking a shift for me, he doesn't ever want me to give up pieces of myself for the sake of our relationship. He's right - people who try to reinvent themselves for the sake of a relationship cause disasters. And that's not what I was trying to do. I was trying to find my answer. And I did. And I'm once again very thankful that my husband-to-be is so supportive of my interests and passions and that he not only gives me the space to be myself, but encourages me to pursue the things that are important to me. And even when it's not a shared interest, it's important to him because it's important to me. Which is, of course, the way it should be.
I hope that I'm as supportive of his art as he is about my music.
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