When I worry about the 'what ifs' I'm wondering if I'll be able to control something that is outside of my control. I don't like feeling like life is outside of my control. But when something IS within my control, IS within my capabilities, I don't worry about it. I know I can handle it.
It's the other stuff. The stuff that is too big for me. The stuff that is profoundly affected by someone else's actions or words. The stuff that I can't understand. The stuff that I don't even know the questions for, much less the answers to those questions. The stuff that is decided by someone else. The stuff that is totally, completely NOT in my control.
That's the stuff that reminds me how helpless I really am. The stuff that reminds me I don't have all the answers. The stuff that remind me I don't have the knowledge. The stuff that reminds me I don't have the wisdom. The stuff that reminds me it's too big, too heavy, too complicated, too involved, too hidden, too much... TOO!
That's when I remember I need to release control into God's capable hands.
And then I wonder why I let my own very human fears get in the way so often.
It's hard to believe that someone else truly has my best interests at heart, that someone else could truly love me enough to put my own needs ahead of his own.
BUT, in the moments when I have trusted someone else who is bigger, stronger, wiser, to take care of something for me (for instance, my Dad) I realize that I trusted that person even more than I trusted myself. I realized their strength, their knowledge was so far beyond my own, they were clearly more competent, more worthy of trust in the situation. And I clearly didn't know what I was doing.
Why do I think trusting God is somehow different?
Why do I think I still have to remain in control? Why do I think I still need to be enough, do enough, know enough?
I can't.
I might as well face it.
And I might as well recognize that asking 'what if' is buying into a lie from my enemy that my God is not big enough to take care of me. Not strong enough to carry the burden. Not wise enough to solve my problem. Not loving enough to make the best choice for me. Not capable enough for my most difficult situations. Not worthy of my trust.
But He is.
He is more than enough.
He is more than able.
It's the other stuff. The stuff that is too big for me. The stuff that is profoundly affected by someone else's actions or words. The stuff that I can't understand. The stuff that I don't even know the questions for, much less the answers to those questions. The stuff that is decided by someone else. The stuff that is totally, completely NOT in my control.
That's the stuff that reminds me how helpless I really am. The stuff that reminds me I don't have all the answers. The stuff that remind me I don't have the knowledge. The stuff that reminds me I don't have the wisdom. The stuff that reminds me it's too big, too heavy, too complicated, too involved, too hidden, too much... TOO!
That's when I remember I need to release control into God's capable hands.
And then I wonder why I let my own very human fears get in the way so often.
It's hard to believe that someone else truly has my best interests at heart, that someone else could truly love me enough to put my own needs ahead of his own.
BUT, in the moments when I have trusted someone else who is bigger, stronger, wiser, to take care of something for me (for instance, my Dad) I realize that I trusted that person even more than I trusted myself. I realized their strength, their knowledge was so far beyond my own, they were clearly more competent, more worthy of trust in the situation. And I clearly didn't know what I was doing.
Why do I think trusting God is somehow different?
Why do I think I still have to remain in control? Why do I think I still need to be enough, do enough, know enough?
I can't.
I might as well face it.
And I might as well recognize that asking 'what if' is buying into a lie from my enemy that my God is not big enough to take care of me. Not strong enough to carry the burden. Not wise enough to solve my problem. Not loving enough to make the best choice for me. Not capable enough for my most difficult situations. Not worthy of my trust.
But He is.
He is more than enough.
He is more than able.
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